Why do girls dress like that?
My husband and I were both really disturbed when we saw a commercial for some sort of laundry detergent (who ever remembers what a commercial is actually selling?) Perhaps you’ve seen this one: A man was working on the car (I think) and he had grease or oil all over his hands. Spotting an opportunity, he grabs his teenage daughter’s white mini skirt from the clothes line and wipes his filthy hands on them, in hopes of ruining them. . . outraged daughter, mom saves the day with the wonder detergent and the commercial ends with her strutting out the front door all smiles in her perfectly white glorified butt-cover. Seriously, this thing was little more than underwear. The mom looks on approvingly, giving her daughter an up-down look that she’ll likely be getting from every post-pubescent male in her path. It was a really disturbing look that went beyond approval and satisfaction to, “Damn, my girl is fine!” Meanwhile, the father has a defeated expression. In case the problems with this scenario aren’t obvious, I’ll illuminate them:
1. Daughter dressing like a hooker. I mean, really, she was. But the mom approving and encouraging it? What kind of mother is she?! She might as well have tossed her as a baby into a den of wolves. “Here, honey, here’s your prostitute outfit so every man who sees you will lust after you and harbor impure and improper thoughts that some of them will try, possibly succeed, in acting out. Have fun having sex! Hope you don’t get an STD, pregnant, emotional scars, or regrets later on in life, if you haven’t ruined it already.” Okay, perhaps I’m going to a bit of an extreme here, but if this were a real-life situation, what would we expect to happen to that girl on her evening out? And why should that garner Mom’s stamp of approval?
And 2. Why do commercials always paint men as baffoons? You can’t say you haven’t noticed it. It’s everywhere. In this commercial, like in every commercial, mom wins, dad loses. But for goodness sakes, why don’t you listen to the man? One gets the impression any words spoken to the women in his family would be scoffed at, dismissed, and laughed about later while at a department store picking out thongs that say “juicy” and “luscious”. I should think, having been a teenage boy at one point in his life, he would know best how his daughter’s wardrobe will be received, and why it would be an improvement to dress with at least a SHRED of modesty.
I was reminded of this commercial when I read the following article. I must say, this line toward the bottom really made me laugh, though in a dark humor sort of way: We wouldn’t dream of dropping our daughters off at college and saying: “Study hard and floss every night, honey—and for heaven’s sake, get laid!”
Here’s the article:
Like what? Like prostitutes, says American mother and writer Jennifer Moses in a frank article in the Wall Street Journal — a paper, by the way, which seems to enjoy challenging US parents.
Jennifer Moses is not the first one to talk about the way young girls tart themselves up but she might be the first I’ve read in a major newspaper to acknowledge that it’s the moms’ and dads’ fault. After all, who pays for “the plunging necklines…push-up bras, spangles, feathers, slits and peek-a-boos” that 12- and 13-year-olds are wearing to parties? We do, she says.
But why? Her friend says it’s about mother-daughter bonding. “It starts with the mommy-daughter manicure and goes on from there.” But Moses has a more courageous answer.
I have a different theory. It has to do with how conflicted my own generation of women is about our own past, when many of us behaved in ways that we now regret. A woman I know, with two mature daughters, said, “If I could do it again, I wouldn’t even have slept with my own husband before marriage. Sex is the most powerful thing there is, and our generation, what did we know?”
It was the pill that did it, created the opportunity and the peer pressure “to find out true womanhood in the bedroom”. But it wasn’t “true” and it led to regret.
So here we are, the feminist and postfeminist and postpill generation. We somehow survived our own teen and college years (except for those who didn’t), and now, with the exception of some Mormons, evangelicals and Orthodox Jews, scads of us don’t know how to teach our own sons and daughters not to give away their bodies so readily. We’re embarrassed, and we don’t want to be, God forbid, hypocrites.
Still, in my own circle of girlfriends, the desire to push back is strong. I don’t know one of them who doesn’t have feelings of lingering discomfort regarding her own sexual past. And not one woman I’ve ever asked about the subject has said that she wishes she’d “experimented” more.
Their daughters don’t get it. They want to be popular. And even Moses wants hers to look gorgeous.
But it’s easy for parents to slip into denial. We wouldn’t dream of dropping our daughters off at college and saying: “Study hard and floss every night, honey—and for heaven’s sake, get laid!” But that’s essentially what we’re saying by allowing them to dress the way they do while they’re still living under our own roofs.
Gee, these moms have to develop more nerve. They have to tell their daughters with conviction about their regrets and how you really can wait for marriage. Maybe among the 7029 comments the article has garnered as of now (yes, over 7000!) there are people saying that.
Anyway, well done, Jennifer Moses.
Whew! I was beginning to think I was alone out here! Younger moms (I’m 48) tell me that she (my 11 year old daugher) should be free to express herself in her clothes. I have never disagreed. Except sometimes with the message those clothes send.
I don’t care if you’re a 4.0 from the womb Cambridge educated woman. If you wear clothes that only cover 10% of your body, people will only come to one conclusion.
Years ago there was a judge in the city of Philadelphia who was known for her outlandish wardrobe choices.
One night she was out on the town trying to hail a cab. She was arrested. The cops didn’t know her and thought she was a hooker.
Great article!
The main problem is that we let our daughters watch the entertainment which glorifies such sensual attire, and they want to emulate the fashions. Then everyone has to be wearing the fashions of their friends or they just aren’t “cool.”
And yes, just about everything nowadays – TV, commercials, Movies – all depict fathers as buffoons.
I have been writing about and discussing this issue since my daughters were teenagers…and have been told by fellow Christians that I am old fashioned and out of touch with what our children need. Thank you for this article! I am again reminded why we quit watching television sixteen years ago.
“Here, honey, here’s your prostitute outfit so every man who sees you will lust after you and harbor impure and improper thoughts that some of them will try, possibly succeed, in acting out.”
Oh please, one doesn’t need to dress like a prostitute to be lusted after and have others harbor impure thoughts. I got more catcalls in Philly in a knee length denim (not tight) a-line skirt and non-cleavage showing t-shirts then I did in clubby cleavage baring tanks or plain tanks (with cleavage still) I wore to work in the studios.
I also never got the father was a buffoon vibe from that particular commercial. I’ve seen it in others, and find it an obnoxious and lazy trope.
In any case. Jennifer Moses and her friends need to ahem grow a pair. My mother had sex before marriage and owned up to it when discussing sex with my sisters and I. And because of that, she was able to talk about saying no, not letting guys pressure us into something we weren’t ready for, and things like contraception, because she owned up to parts of her past, she was genuine. And we listened. We knew Mom was a safe person to ask questions about sex, she would answer us honestly. What are Moses and her friends going to say if their daughters ask about sex and they give an embarrassed wishy-washy statement? Their daughters will turn elsewhere for advice. I’m sorry have “regrets” but unless they can own up to admitting that, they can look forward to having their daughters “regret” mom not being able to give them any worthwhile advice.
Thank God for real life, where we can decide at this very moment to make a good choice, and ask forgiveness when we fail.
“one doesn’t need to dress like a prostitute to be lusted after”
True, but it does send a certain signal.
Modesty is a virtue in itself.
Children learn by example as well as by precept.
It is possible to be virtuous and credible. Indeed, people whose virtue is beyond question are more believable. When the late Cardinal Bernardin was falsely accused of sexual immorality, the transparent virtue of his life gave credibility to his claim of innocence, which was later validated by the confession of his accuser.