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Lessons Learned From an Epic Marriage

November 25th, 2011

By KATHERINE ROSMAN

An invaluable source of DIY marital therapy is spending a little time in the presence of what I classify as “epic marriages”—those whose length seems to have intensified not merely the love but the camaraderie between the husband and wife.

Katherine Rosman on Lunch Break discusses lessons from the 52-year marriage of Evelyn and Leonard Lauder.

Observing these partnerships causes me to try to suss out what has been key to their longevity and what is important in the maintenance and growth of my own marriage.

I have been exposed in my adult life to just a few epic marriages. One of them is that of Evelyn and Leonard Lauder.

The Lauders had been married for 52 years when Mrs. Lauder died Nov. 12 at the age of 75 of complications from nongenetic ovarian cancer.

I met Mr. and Mrs. Lauder in the winter of 2010 when I was asked by WSJ. Magazine to interview them for a feature story about what it’s like to both live and work together, as they did for Estée Lauder, the cosmetic giant founded by Mr. Lauder’s mother in 1946.

The interview took place at their Fifth Avenue apartment in Manhattan. It is the fanciest home I have ever been in.

Clearly, the Lauders enjoy significant wealth, and there can be no doubt that not having to contend with money concerns separates their relationship from most of ours. But what left a far deeper and immediate impression upon me was something that is so elusive and that can’t be bought: lasting chemistry.

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