Ruth Institute Blog

by Ashley Crouch

Ever since US Weekly printed the front page story, “The Virgin Bachelor,” which described Sean Lowe’s born-again virginity and commitment to wait until his marriage night to have sex, there has been no shortage of conversation percolating throughout the blogosphere.

 

Apparently sexual self-control from any quadrant, whether The Bachelor or elsewhere, is front page news. The Bachelor is an American reality television series in which an eligible man is introduced to 25 or 30 potential romantic interests. The women compete for his affections and are gradually eliminated as the Bachelor gets closer to finding a wife.

A guilty pleasure of mine, watching this latest season has been a different experience than before. Not because of the absence of bikinis, muscles, cocktail-induced drama, or premature proclamations of love, but because of the absence of…. well, the “fantasy suite,” if you know what I mean. Contrary to the many surfacing opinions that doom Sean to perpetual “unhappily ever after”, I would like to offer a note of thanks.

Sean’s witness of sexual self-control carries with it a surprising twist. Here is no socially awkward, glasses-clad chap with parted down the middle, proudly advocating for bodily restraint – or in the words of Pete Monash in Win a Date with Tad Hamilton, “guarding the carnal treasure.” By all appearances Sean is a successful business owner, comes from a great family, and is fun-loving, adventurous, and easy on the eyes. His historic dating repertoire includes notable figures of equal calibre. Still, his example challenges broader society to re-examine abstinent stereotypes (so often embodied in the likes of George Michael’s bland girlfriend, Ann — not Pam, or Ham, or Yam — on Arrested Development, or the cringe-worthy stories depicted in TLC’s Virgin Diaries).

For me, it’s about time. Abstinence doesn’t come in a one-size-fits-all type of person and it’s great to see a broader array of characters coming into focus in the media. Social scientist Donna Freitas in her book, , speaks about the pluralistic ignorance associated with the hook-up culture. Far fewer people are hooking up today than is perceived by their peers, and of those who do, far fewer are enjoying it.

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