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Will polyamory follow same-sex marriage?

August 7th, 2013

by Michael Cook

The reasoning is the same; the rewards are the same. Why not?
When the Supreme Court struck down section 3 in the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) in US v Windsor in June, same-sex marriage was not the only beneficiary. The decision seems to have given fresh impetus to polyamory as well.

This is not news that “marriage equality” fans welcome. They look upon legalised polyamory as a dangerous foe because it confuses the message of their own campaign. “Marriage should be extended to people who can’t get married, not those unable to marry six people,” says Jonathan Rauch, author of Gay Marriage: Why It is Good for Gays, Good for Straights, and Good for America.

However, Anita Wagner Illig, a long-time polyamory spokeswoman, told Newsweek that the DOMA decision had been a great help: “A favorable outcome for marriage equality is a favorable outcome for multi-partner marriage, because the opposition cannot argue lack of precedent for legalizing marriage for other forms of non-traditional relationships.”

The Court has ruled that it is unconstitutional to interpret “spouse” and “marriage” exclusively as terms for a relationship between a man and a woman. For polygamists and polyamorists the logical question is, how can it be acceptable to discriminate on the basis of the number of spouses?

Polyamory comes in all shapes and sizes. It is typically a ménage à trois, a woman living with two men, but it might be two couples living together — or just about anything else. But its supporters insist that it is not the same as polygamy. This is normally patriarchal and religious. Polyamorous relationships are often centred on women and are resolutely secular.

Polyamorists claim that there are 500,000 families openly living in polyamorous relationships in the United States. A recent poll by Loving More magazine found that nearly two-thirds of them would seek legal recognition if they could. More than 90 percent thought that their relationships should have the same rights, privileges and responsibilities as two-party marriages. Politically active polyamorists complain that they are discriminated against in housing, employment and child custody.

“It would be nice… to have households where our spouses are equal under the law, and moving forward in terms of pensions, and inheritances and property division,” says Zoe Duff, the head of the Canadian Polyamory Advocacy Association.

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