Ruth Institute Blog

After my hugely popular blog post earlier this week, ‘What kind of man would do that and then brag about it on Facebook?’, a lot of people have asked me what I think we can do to fix the problem of the ‘Rōnin’ generation – those young men who lack a deep sense of direction and purpose because of the loss of authentic masculine identity.

It just so happens that I regularly speak to groups of men about these issues, and have a seminar called ‘Authentic’ which explores the very question: ‘What does it take to be a real man?’

I thought it would be a good idea to follow up my blog post earlier this week with another one today which offers some of the key points of my ‘Authentic’ seminar, particularly the four key lessons we need to be teaching our young men.

Lesson 1: You need to have a moral code

Good men are men of principle.

They live lives that are governed by firm principles, and their consistent striving to live out these principles is what makes them men of integrity – men whose reputations are built on the back of a consistent commitment to goodness and honesty.

I remember speaking to a group of young men in a high school last year, and afterwards one of the older teachers approached me and told me the story about when he learned to drive a car as a young man. He explained to me that the local police officer awarded him his license without much of a test because of his father. The police officer told him that because of his father’s character and reputation he knew he could trust the fact that his father had taught him how to drive with responsibility and skill.

A moral code is the very thing we can hang our hats on when the chips are down, and that is precisely when it is most important to have one. Anyone can be a moral man when the going is good, but to be a good man who does the right thing when the odds are against him, or when it would be much easier to choose the easy and selfish way out, that’s precisely when the need for a clear moral code is at its greatest.

When I say moral code I mean a set of principles that have some meat on their bones, principles that are built on virtue.

Things like ‘I will be a man who respects and cares for women’, ‘I will be a man who treats the vulnerable members of my community with compassion’, ‘I will be a man who is honest in his business dealings’, etc.

With virtue there is no wriggle room – you can’t be both an honest man and a liar, or a prudent man who acts without thinking first. It’s all or nothing with virtue, and that’s precisely the kind of challenge that masculinity is tailor-made for.

Keep reading.